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You Don’t Have to be a Monk to ‘Meditate’

Jackie Gamble, LPCC-S
Counselor, Insight Clinical Counseling and Wellness, LLC

So many of my clients have shared with me that meditation (mindfulness) coping skills ‘Don’t work for me!’ or ‘They make my anxiety worse!’ or ‘I could never sit and think about nothing!’ Maybe you can relate? For most of us, when we think of meditating, we think of a monk sitting cross legged on the floor experiencing a state of quiet and focus. Honestly, that’s what comes to my mind too.

For the past 2 years, I have had the privilege of attending weekend retreats and observing the Catholic monks at The Abbey of Gethsemani in Trappist, Kentucky. Because this was different than my vision of a meditating Buddhist, I wasn’t so sure what to expect. The part of the retreat that both challenged and appealed to me was that, while on the property, you must be completely silent. There is no talking permitted during the retreat! This silence (and the lack of cell phone service) forced me into a place of mindfulness that is desperately needed in our input-heavy society.

While guided imagery, sitting in silence, progressive muscle relaxation, and visualizing are all great formal mindfulness skills, for most of us, those coping skills seem unattainable. It’s not that those ways of relaxing are the ‘superior’ ways or even what we are trying to eventually achieve. Practicing mindfulness/meditation can be much simpler than what we assume. For simplification, below are some steps from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) on how to begin practicing mindfulness.

The ‘What’ (what to do) Skill:

• Observe: Notice what’s happening, including your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations
• Describe: Put words to what you’ve observed
• Participate: Fully engage in an activity, without multitasking or ruminating
• Be non-judgmental: Try to reduce judgments and accept your experiences as they are
• Practice one-mindfully: Focus your attention on one thing at a time

How Skills (How to do it):

• Non-judgmentally: Acknowledge experiences without labeling them as good or bad
• One-mindfully: Focus on one thing at a time, avoiding multitasking
• Effectively: Act in a way that aligns with your goals and values

Example: When you’re eating lunch, you can practice being more attentive. Set aside your phone or distractions and attempt to focus on the behavior of eating. Notice how the food looks and smells. Bring your awareness to how the food might feel to the touch, sound, and of course how it tastes. When your mind wanders or has an urge to check that email or open an app on your phone, instead gently bring your mind back to your lunch.

Example: Listen to a song you enjoy. This time, while you’re listening, do only that – no driving, scrolling, etc. Just sit and practice focusing on the music, lyrics, and new sounds you hadn’t noticed before. Next, notice the sensations or emotions the music elicits. You might have to close your eyes to help your mind focus on the sounds or block out distractions.

Example: Next time you shower, notice your sensations with intentionality. We tend to have an ‘order of operations’ when it comes to showers, so take time to notice the pattern. Notice the warmth of the water, the smell of the soap, the process of washing different body parts, notice the sound of the water, the water falling, and your awareness of gravity.

We can make this even simpler when we would like to relax or ground ourselves in the moment. Sometimes when I leave for work in the morning my mind is so busy! To counteract this, I’ll often take notice of things on my drive I haven’t been aware of before. Maybe I never noticed the red door on that house, the broken mailbox, each pothole, or I’ll focus on each road name. Amid the mental chaos, this practice reminds me to be present.

For most of us, sitting in silence, or doing nothing can feel impossible. We can practice meditation by choosing something to focus on and following the steps I’ve mentioned. It might be helpful to remember the fundamentals of mindfulness. When you’ve realized your mind is wandering, just return the mind back to your task. This act of returning your focus to the current task is, in fact, meditating! It’s that simple. So, we don’t need to judge ourselves for having a wandering mind, we only need to practice focusing our attention on one thing, and that is the act of mindfulness. Returning your wandering mind back to focus – that is the skill! So, if you return your mind back to your topic of focus 100 times, you’ve just become 100 times a better meditator!

‘Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.’ – Eckhart Tolle

Reading Suggestions:
Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach
How to Meditate, Pema Chodron
Welcoming the Unwelcome, Pema Chodron
The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle
Wherever you go, There you are, Kabat-Zinn