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Being Present with Food When Your Body Wants to Escape

Megan Smith, MSW, LSW
Clinician

There are meals where each bite comes with an added layer- anxiety, stress, sadness. Now, this is not always loud, not always panicked, but pretty much always there. Usually a tightening in the body, almost like it is bracing for something it cannot put a finger on. “Is this safe?” “Is this too much?” “Too little?” “Can I handle this?”. And before you ask, no- this is not about perseverance or willpower. It is stemming from a nervous system that learned to associate food with stress.

When eating has been layered with control, fear, pressure, stress- whether through disordered eating, dieting, intense emotions- the body learns ‘this is how it is’. Your body learns to adapt. Your body is learning to protect you from the anxiety associated with food. The nervous system is trying to do its job- acknowledge and protect. Even though it does not always seem that way, your body is trying to show up for you; however, many times when struggling with disordered eating food can feel like a demand or a threat rather than comfort.

One tip we learn is mindfulness – “being fully present, aware of your current thoughts or feelings without outside judgement or distraction”. Recenter yourself around your food. This can be done in different ways– take 5 deep breaths before beginning your meal, ground yourself outside, don’t watch TV or your phone during mealtime, be present with your food. These are really strong tips that anyone can use- allowing your body to get rid of outside distractions and focus inward is an amazing way to allow your intuitive eating patterns to take over, listen to your body and give your body what it needs. Sometimes, this is just not enough. Let me be clear, these are all absolutely wonderful tips when dealing with disordered eating. I use them myself and I offer them to clients all the time. I do, however, think there needs to be more discussion on what to do when that doesn’t feel like enough. When the anxiety around food is too loud, and will not lower the volume. When mindfulness around food feels less calming and more triggering.

Being present around food does not always have to mean being calm or feeling connected and grounded. Sometimes, it could mean just not running from it, but staying in the room while your body is begging to get away. Sometimes it could mean simply acknowledging the stress without trying to erase it. Sometimes, eating with distractions like your phone or TV because it makes the volume of anxiety turn down, or taking one bite and then another without forcing awareness. Naming how you are feeling “this is really freaking hard.” but also naming “I am doing it anyway”. I don’t think this is a one size fits all kind of conversation- I think, allowing ourselves to just be, feel, learn, and acknowledge where we are in that moment is the first step in seeing where we want to go.

The anxiety does not mean you are failing, it means you are learning that food and nourishment doesn’t equal danger and stress. Progress isn’t measured by if you are eating calmly it is being able to eat and nourish your body even though it can be hard. If every bite feels stressful to you– you are not broken, your body is not betraying you, it is responding in the way it was taught. And guess what? You can reteach it, slowly, without force, kindly.

If this resonates with you, support is here. Recovery doesn’t require perfection, just support, love and care. We are here for you.