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Leaning Into the Uncertainty

Makayla Arcurgagi, LPC
Counselor, Insight Clinical Counseling and Wellness

As the seasons begin to change, sometimes so does our mood. If you’re anything like me, the change in color of leaves means warm coffee and bundling up in thick sweaters. Holiday nostalgia creeps in. Seeing pumpkins at the grocery store is a slight joy I get to experience. These are the parts of change I’m willing to embrace. New wardrobe. Cooler days. The holidays are just around the corner! But once the leaves are gone and the days are dark by dinner, the reality of the season changing begins to set in. Let’s ring in the new year and then I will dread every single day until the weather is warm again. Rinse. Repeat.

Most of us like the idea of change but going through with this change is opening a whole new can of worms. Why do we hate change so much? How can it be exciting to daydream about but excruciating to execute? Should we weigh out all the possibilities before deciding? If you’re thinking, “Well, of course—why wouldn’t I?” then how do you feel about my suggestion to do the opposite and lean into the uncertainty?

Let’s start off with certainty. Certainty is having a firm conviction that something is the case. Not something we believe to be true, but a strong and firm conviction. Certainty is not based on feelings, which is why we cannot gauge whether something is certain by how we feel.

Let’s say you are offered a new job. Leaning into uncertainty doesn’t mean you neglect details about the job. It would be important to gather information regarding commute, pay, hours, requirements, and your role. Now think about other worries that may come to mind when you starting a new job. I might think, “what if I don’t like it as much as what I do now?” or “It seems like a great opportunity, but what’s the catch?” If I were to lean into the uncertainty of this situation, I might respond to these internal questions with something like this:
“There’s always a possibility I won’t like this job. There could be a catch I’m not aware of yet. But based on the information I do have, I’m choosing to accept what appears to be a great opportunity. Maybe things will go poorly. Maybe they’ll be amazing. Only time will tell.”

Why I would suggest doing the opposite is because trying to find certainty to those questions is an endless loop of anxiety. The question being asked is not something I can find certainty in before starting the job. The only options are to take the risk and face the “what-ifs,” or to avoid potential discomfort and turn down the job.

You may wonder why a therapist is recommending allowing worst case scenario thoughts creep in. However, most of our “what-ifs” thoughts are automatic. We are not letting in new bad thoughts. We are just allowing them to be what they are without trying to convince ourselves we aren’t scared. Being scared is an uncomfortable feeling, but it doesn’t mean we are incapable of tolerating it. In the new job scenario, I would encourage the following questions, “What am I scared of feeling if this doesn’t go as planned?” “What personal feelings am I possibly trying to avoid by not taking this new job?” “If I am afraid of failing, why? What do I feel it says about me as a person?”

Life changes like the seasons. We have good seasons that feel really cozy and fun until they don’t. Personally, there aren’t enough reframing strategies in the world that can convince me I like the weather from January through April. So instead of spending the cozy fall worrying about all the “what-ifs” the cold and dark winter may bring, I turn on Gilmore Girls, throw on a sweater, and indulge in a warm beverage. Maybe winter will be just as bad as I anticipate. Maybe it won’t be. Only time will truly give me certainty. I don’t need confidence in my ability to somehow reframe my negative thoughts about winter. I must have confidence in myself to handle uncomfortable situations. This way, if winter is as dark and cold as I anticipate, I trust my ability to tolerate the discomfort for as long as I need to until a more desirable season comes. Just like most of life, the weather is out of my control. My response is not.