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The Window of Tolerance

Nancy Fingerhood, LSW
Clinician

A few weeks ago, I hosted a dinner party at my house for several friends. I looked forward to seeing my friends, but as the date of the party drew closer, I noticed myself feeling anxious and even frazzled. I worried about having enough food, would they like the food, would someone cancel at the last minute? When I thought about the party, I sensed my head get hot and my heart beating faster. I observed my thoughts and bodily sensations and realized I was going down a rabbit hole of panic and stepping outside an emotionally regulated state. I was starting to operate outside of my window of tolerance.

The Window of Tolerance, a framework created by psychiatrist Dan Siegel, is a zone in which you feel emotionally regulated and can effectively handle the stresses of life. When you are in your window of tolerance you have access to the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that manages logic, reasoning, empathy and impulse control. This means you can handle emotions and function effectively in situations without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down. When you are not within your window of tolerance, you can become hyperaroused, which puts you in a fight or flight state and you may feel angry, anxious or panicky. On the other hand, you can go into a state of hypoarousal and your body slows down kind of like your nervous system hitting the brakes. You can feel numb, depressed or even dissociate.

Everyone’s window of tolerance is unique and there is a range in which you may feel comfortable. Some people, due to past or current trauma, adverse experiences in childhood or neurodivergence such as autism, may have a narrower window. They may become easily hyperaroused or hypoaroused. When you are outside of your window of tolerance, you can feel emotionally dysregulated which leads to significant mood swings, changes in mood and surges of emotion that can feel overwhelming.

Our nervous systems naturally shifts throughout the day, and you can experiences states of higher and lower arousal. Feelings of sadness, anger, frustration and anxiety are normal. There are times when a state of hyperarousal is necessary, such as being in a dangerous situation and needing to mobilize to get to a safe place. However, if you become stuck in a state of hyperarousal, stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline remain elevated for longer than is healthy and you can experience digestive disorders, an under or over active immune system, brain fog and other harmful symptoms. So, it’s important to be able to get back to your window of tolerance and also learn how to widen it.

How can you grow the window of tolerance so you can engage with others and function most effectively? How can you manage your emotions without becoming overwhelmed? First, you need to notice the signs of hyper or hypo arousal in your body. If you notice a rapid heart rate, shallow and rapid breathing, or tension in your muscles you may be hyperaroused. Allow yourself to notice those bodily sensations without judgement. Checking in with your breath, muscles and posture from time to time can help you find patterns and get to know your nervous system better. Taking care of your basic needs such as sleep, eating healthy food and exercise are vital in expanding your window of tolerance. Connecting with supportive people and pets helps with widening your window by providing validation and comfort. The added benefit is that when you are in your window of tolerance, connections with people grow deeper and you build an internal sense of safety. Self-compassion is another component of enlarging your window of tolerance. Cultivating compassion for yourself tempers the inner-critic.

If you find yourself outside your window of tolerance, you can ask yourself “what do I need right now?” If you notice your heart racing is linked to feeling anxious, you may try meditating or walking or listening to soothing music. If you find yourself in a state of collapse, you may try dancing, shaking your body or listening to energizing music. The strategies you use will be unique to you. Other resources include:
– Journaling
– Weighted blankets
– Art
– Diaphragmatic breathing
– Laughter

Working with a therapist can help you to widen your window of tolerance and explore strategies for emotional regulation.