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When the Healing Hurts: The Impact of Client Suicide on Counselors

Jessica A. Oates, LPCC-S. PMH-C
Owner, Insight Clinical Counseling and Wellness

Suicide Awareness Week is a time to honor lives lost, to break stigma, and to remind those struggling that they are not alone. Much of the conversation—rightfully so—focuses on prevention and on supporting individuals at risk. Yet, one group whose voices are often quiet in this conversation are ours – the counselors, therapists, social workers and mental health professionals who dedicate their lives to walking alongside those in pain.

When a client dies by suicide, it ripples far beyond their family and community. It profoundly affects the counselor who has been part of their healing journey. Counselors often hold the most intimate details of a clients history, thoughts, goals and dreams and the therapeutic relationship is just that – a relationship.

It Happened to Me, Too
I’m one of the ones. I am one of the counselors who experienced loss by a client dying by suicide. I saw this young man every week. He said he didn’t want to be in counseling, yet showed up every week. We developed rapport and trust. His last session was “the” breakthrough session (counselors know what I mean here). He told his story. He shared the depths of his pain. He spoke truths he had never uttered. When I came into the office the next morning and his mother was sitting on the step of the office, my heart sunk. Deeply. I could see the pain in her eyes and she told me what happened. He passed away nearly 10 years ago and every time I see his mother, we make eye contact and know. I see her pain and although not the same, she sees mine, too. His story stays with me forever.

I knew what I needed, and that was that I would never forget. That I would use this loss in my life and my career to help other counselors who have experienced similar events and to hold space in my professional career for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. As a supervisor and peer, its quick to rush and say “it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong,” but I find that what is truly needed is space and honest feedback. We need permission to feel all of the feels, not rush to heal, and a neutral set of eyes and ears on our case and documentation.

The Silent Weight Counselors Carry
Counselors enter the profession with a deep desire to help, but we are not immune to grief, loss, and self-doubt. Losing a client to suicide can feel like a professional and personal earthquake, that we are not well prepared to handle. Many therapists describe an initial flood of emotions—grief for the client, sorrow for their family, and a piercing sense of “what if I had done more?” “what did I miss?” What if, what if, what if…… Even though we know clinically that suicide is complex, multi-faceted, and ultimately a personal decision, counselors may carry feelings of guilt or inadequacy in ourselves and our clinical judgment. This is part of the silent weight we bear. I do not recollect one question or conversation in graduate school or supervision in which there was preparation on “how do you handle losing a client to suicide?”

The Hidden Grief of Clinicians
Unlike the family of the client, counselors often grieve in silence. Ethical boundaries and confidentiality prevent us from sharing details, and sometimes even from acknowledging the loss openly. There may be no public ritual of mourning, no community gathering where a counselor can fully express their grief, and a lack of understanding of what we are going through from our personal support network. We can’t ask questions. We can’t reach out. The feeling of helplessness is multifaceted and interweaves strong feelings towards our client, the family, and ourselves. Our mourning takes place quietly—in supervision, with trusted colleagues, or in private moments of reflection. The absence of formal recognition can make the grief feel isolating.

The Need for Support and Self-Compassion
Counselors experiencing the loss of a client need the same compassion we encourage our clients to extend to themselves. Peer support, consultation, and clinical supervision become lifelines, and connecting with colleagues who understand the unique pain of client loss reminds us that we are not alone. Self-care also becomes essential: slowing down, tending to one’s own mental health, and allowing space for both sorrow and healing. It is not weakness for a counselor to acknowledge the depth of their grief—it is a reflection of their humanity.

Honoring Both Client and Counselor
During Suicide Awareness Week, let us hold space not only for those who are struggling, but also for the professionals who carry them in their hearts. Counselors care deeply for their clients, and when a client dies by suicide, that bond doesn’t simply end. Honoring both lives—the one lost and the one who grieves—reminds us of the interconnectedness of healing.

To my fellow counselors: if you have lost a client, your grief is real, your feelings are valid, and your work still matters. You are not alone.

A Shared Call
Suicide Awareness Week is a reminder that healing is a shared journey. Counselors walk it with clients every day—celebrating progress, holding hope in dark moments, and sometimes carrying heartbreak when the outcome is not what we wished. Together, we can build a culture that supports both those at risk and the helpers who
stand beside them.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please call or text 988 in the U.S. to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or get started with treatment at Insight Clinical Counseling and Wellness by calling 330-397-6007.

If you are a counselor or social worker in need of consultation, supervisor or support, please reach out to us at Insight.